My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
