no, he came in my armpit
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
