just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
