Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
