You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to calm my uterus...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
