worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
