It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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