Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
