i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
