u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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