Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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