You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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