what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
