I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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