dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
