For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
