So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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