i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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