yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
