Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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