My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
