and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dicks are not precious.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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