Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
