i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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