tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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