your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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