My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
