yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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