I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
