I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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