remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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