We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
