It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
