i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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