We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
