Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
