I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
