Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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