Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
