Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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