his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
pray to the hookup gods
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