Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
