If i come over, it means nothing
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
