It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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