Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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