you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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