What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
