Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
