She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
