i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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