So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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