Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
